What
to Teach Your Kids Before They Leave Home
Whether your
children go to college right after high school or take a few years
off to work or explore the world, they'll face a steep learning
curve. They will be making decisions for the first time -- and living
with the mistakes.
Schools rarely
teach the life skills -- using credit cards responsibly, making
friends in new places, reading the fine prints on contracts, etc.
-- that kids need to become responsible adults.
Before your
children pack their bags and walk out the door, here are important
things they should know...
Financial
Lessons
Pay off credit cards monthly - no matter what. Once kids
turn 18, every bank will be sending them credit card offers. They
could be deep in debt in just a few months if they're not careful.
Trap: Young people often look at the low minimum payments on credit
card bills and think they're getting a bargain. They don't realize
how much things really cost when they're paying an annual percentage
rate of 18%.
Set
no-exception Budgets. Kids have to learn to live within
their means -- even if that means doing without "necessities"
they used to take for granted. Remind your children to factor in
EVERYTHING -- rent, utilities, clothes, meals, popcorn and soda
at the movies, etc.
Temptation will certainly beckon. Children need to learn that giving
in to temptation now will mean giving up something important later.
Follow
the $100 Rule. Encourage your children to consult you before
buying anything that cost more than $100. Remind them that the terms
for credit purchases are deliberately made to look attractive. The
hard truth is often buried in the find print.
Example: You can get a cell phone for almost nothing, but only if
you sign a service contract that cost hundreds of dollars a year.
Personal
Lessons
Stay Socially Active. Drama clubs, photography workshops,
ceramic classes, etc. are great places to meet people in no-pressure
settings. When moving to a new area, classes and hobbies make it
possible to have a busy social life outside of smoky (and expensive)
bars. Remind kids to read campus or community newspapers. These
usually list inexpensive or free extracurricular activities.
Maintain
Personal Boundaries.
Peer pressure doesn't lessen when children leave home, especially
when they're living in dorm rooms or sharing apartments with friends.
Remind kids that they don't have to do anything that makes them
uncomfortable, drinking, smoking, staying out all night, spending
foolishly, etc. Example: suppose your daughter has a roommate who
drinks in the dorm, against school rules. Rather than risk embarrassment
by taking a personal stand, she can simply say, "My parents
wont pay my bills here if I get caught with alcohol." She'll
get the message across while putting the blame on you.
Find
a Mentor.
In high school, talking to teachers is often seen as apple-polishing.
In college, it's a short-cut to success. In the working world, it's
a key to opportunities. When you ask successful people how they
got ahead, they invariably give credit to early mentors.
Be Prepared
for Emotional Dips.
Children who leave home for the first time often have a rough transition
period. They may gain weight, avoid going out, have trouble sleeping,
etc.
Helpful: I tell my students that if someone were videotaping them
over the years, they would be amazed at their developing skills
and emotional and intellectual growth. It can boost their confidence
to understand that how they feel now is temporary. Talking with
a Psychologist can also be helpful.
Learn
How to Cook the Basics.
Teenagers don't believe it, but there will come a time when a handful
of potato chips and a soda won't seem like nutritious meal. Everyone
should know a few kitchen basics before leaving home - how to roast
a chicken, cook spaghetti and a simple sauce, combine greens for
a quick salad.
Remind
them - We're Here When You Need Us.
Many parents back off when children leave home because they don't
want to interfere. This approach can leave kids isolated.
IMPORTANT: It is also your children's responsibility to stay in
touch with you. I advise making this a condition of receiving rent
checks or other perks. A weekly phone call might be enough, although
it's also important for them to come home several times a year.
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